• Skip to main content
  • Skip to after header navigation
  • Skip to site footer
Galliard Family Business Advisor Institute

Galliard Family Business Advisor Institute

  • About Us
  • Core Training: FBAC
  • Find an Advisor
  • Become a Member
  • Resource Library
  • Training Calendar
  • Member Login
  • Member Account
  • Log Out

  • About Us
  • Core Training: FBAC
  • Find an Advisor
  • Become a Member
  • Resource Library
  • Training Calendar
  • Member Login
  • Member Account
  • Log Out

The Dance of Dignity

By Lisë Stewart

How does one move into the late stage of life with our dignity intact?

I have learned that this is not a state that one can create entirely independently. Rather, it is a delicate dance between willing, caring, compassionate co-creators of a social contract. I have seen rare, but beautiful examples such as one memorable afternoon in a small San Francisco diner.

I remember watching as a small, elderly woman walked into the little dining room, dignified and graceful, with just a slight tremor in her bird-like hands. Her circa 1950 camel’s hair coat hung from her shoulders as if it had fitted a more robust frame a quarter century ago. The waitress, with a cheerful (and perhaps a tad patronizing) smile, took her coat from her shoulders and offered to hang it on the hook at the end of the red leather booth. However, she declined, asking to hold it beside her. Then, the object of my fascination slid carefully into her seat, gently smoothing her beautifully tailored navy suit – an ancient Chanel perhaps? I heard her order a cup of soup and some coffee and then she turned her attention to studying a small notebook that she brought with her.

So, I did the same, turning my mind back to my own lukewarm coffee and my laptop full of half completed ‘to-do’ lists. I only half noticed when the waitress brought a large basket of rolls and butter to her table.

Then, moments later, a movement caught my eye. Peering as inconspicuously as I could, I watched with my head bowed in mock attention to my own table. I saw her hand, deftly and quickly slip a roll into the pocket of her coat. I was riveted. A few minutes later, it happened again. All the while she nibbled daintily on one roll that sat on her plate, divided into a dozen tiny pieces. When the waitress brought her soup, I noticed that rather than the cup she had ordered, a large bowl arrived, along with a fresh batch of rolls, as the original was almost finished, or rather, disappeared.

Once again the rolls slipped from the basket and found their way to various pockets and cuffs. When the soup was gone, the waitress announced to her guest that the cook had made far too much carrot cake and was wondering if she would like a piece, on the house. (No such offer was made to me, even though I was putting on my best forlorn look.) What arrived was a massive slice of gooey heaven, far too big for 3 or 4 of me, let alone the delicate wee bird across the aisle. She smiled sweetly and said all of the appropriate ‘Oh my’ statements, with her hand fluttering across her chest. She took a few tiny bites and the waitress promptly returned with a box.

As she was leaving, she slowly stood, carefully draped her now laden coat across her arm, left just enough money for one cup of soup and a cup of coffee and made her way across to the door. The waitresses all nodded and waived goodbye and the cook called out from the kitchen to enjoy her day. She walked with her back straight and her head high. She waved, delicately, like the Queen of England from her carriage – a mere swish of her hand.

This was transition with dignity in action. Here I saw a small, close-knit community pulling together in a simple way to allow a woman to salvage her dignity and continue to walk through the world with her head high. She didn’t need to beg or complain because others were empathetic, kind and willing to help in a way that allowed all of the players to contribute. No one asked for recognition of their kindness, no egos got involved in the well-rehearsed dance.

I left the diner that day with a new definition of dignity and a new definition of compassion. This has formed the basis of my philosophy in working with transitioning leaders. Part of my role is to co-create an environment of willing participants – each committed to allowing the aging leader the freedom and grace to walk forward, with their legacy and dignity intact.

Share this:

  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)

Related

Published: November 11, 2015 Filed under: Resource Library, Succession Planning

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Keith Mayeaux

    November 13, 2015 at 8:07 am

    Lisë,
    So beautifully written – you should have been an author. Thanks for the wonderful picture of what a dignified transition can look like. All the players playing their part to allow the elder generation to transition as they wish. You never cease to amaze me! Thank you for sharing. ~Keith

    • Lise

      November 13, 2015 at 10:48 am

      Thanks Keith… the memory has stayed with me a long time, so it is wonderful to finally have a community with which to share! Lise

  2. Melissa Kelly-McCabe

    November 13, 2015 at 8:27 am

    Wow. What a lovely story. i am so impacted by your words. May we all support the dignity in others – and ourselves. Thank you.

    • Lise

      November 13, 2015 at 10:50 am

      Thanks Melissa! I love the way that we have been able to incorporate so many aspects of the ‘transition with dignity’ into our Cirque du Sophia work… feels like we are spreading such a powerful message.
      Lise

  3. Pam Hayes

    November 13, 2015 at 9:43 am

    What a blessing this morning. Thank you for sharing and for the encouragement to slow down long enough to learn from those around us.

    • Lise

      November 13, 2015 at 10:51 am

      I am glad that this hit home Pam… I know that your parents are aging too and that they are lucky to have a daughter that is so compassionate and aware. Lise

  4. Sheila Harvey

    November 13, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Lise,
    Thanks for this beautiful story that I really needed to hear today. I, too, am a people watcher and I love to think of the stories of these people’s lives. I have a constant curiousity of what those stories are. I know everyone is going through life and acting and reacting to situations based on lots of “things” going on within them. I love this picture you have given us that reminds us we can help people while maintaining their dignity and ours.
    Thank you so much for everything you have done for me and my family and our business.

    • Lise

      November 13, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      I agree – you ARE a people watcher and yes, I think that natural curiosity, tempered with compassion and healthy ego, is a wonderful recipe for healing the world. So glad you are in my life and have all of these attributes in abundance! Lise

  5. Leonard Holler

    November 13, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Thanks so much for this story. If only others could be so kind and generous as those in the diner. That type of caring spirit is lacking in much of the world we live in today. Helping others has always been good for the soul.

    • Lise

      November 13, 2015 at 12:29 pm

      Leonard – so great to hear from you! I agree with you, we need more of this behavior in our world – and we need to be open to observing it when it happens, primed to see more of the good in others rather than focusing so much on that which disappoints us. Thanks so much for weighing in! Lise

  6. Susan Hileman

    November 13, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    Loved this… What a beautiful and moving story Lise. It’s amazing how often–when we (I) stop being self-absorbed and begin paying attention–we find ourselves in simple situations which can provide really profound moments of insight. I really liked the connection you made… “She didn’t need to beg or complain because others were empathetic, kind and willing to help in a way that allowed all of the players to contribute.” If only more people were open to living that way. Thanks for sharing.
    Susan

  7. Lise Stewart

    November 13, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Hi Susan! Thank you so much for writing… and for your kind words. It is so rewarding/reinforcing to know that sharing these stories helps us all to find common ground – a shared interest in seeing the world become a kinder, gentler place. cheers, Lise

  8. Louise Aitcheson

    November 13, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    Lise – Incredible – Powerful. We get so wrapped up on our day-to-day lives, and we often don’t stop long enough to witness or understand what is going on around us. Thank you for sharing and reminding us to enable dignity at every stage of life! Best, Louise

    • Lise Stewart

      November 13, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      Hi Louise! Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and post a comment. It means a lot to me that so many people have found some inspiration in this simple story. It was such a powerful day for me… it is great to be able to share. Cheers! Lise

  9. Deborah Ranier

    November 14, 2015 at 11:35 am

    Lise –

    What a beautiful story and how in keeping with who you are that you would see this situation unfold and see the deeper meaning and relevance of this situation to the work you do with your clients. Thank you for sharing this experience with us all.

    Deborah

Browse by topic: professional advisors

Book Feature: Fragile Power

group of people in conference room

Introducing Peer Groups

The Connected Generation with Nike Anani

Enterprising Families Podcast with Tsitsi Mutendi

Strengthen Your Brand, Build Your Business

Introducing our new partners

Explore more topic areas in the Resource Library.

Browse by topic: succession planning

Pre-Succession Planning Exercises

Succession for Yourself

Unsticking Succession Planning

Succession Planning Worksheet

Grief in the planning process

Unsticking Succession Planning

What if things didn’t change?

Explore more topic areas in the Resource Library.

Browse by topic: workforce management

Finding the Right People

Happiness in the Workplace

People problems rarely “work themselves out”

Honor the Contributions of Next-Generation Leaders

Ali and the Disappearing Generation

Leadership Transition: the Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Dealing With Emotional Issues in Choosing a Successor

Explore more topic areas in the Resource Library.

Search

Contact

Email

[email protected]

Navigation

  • About Us
  • Core Training: FBAC
  • Find an Advisor
  • Become a Member
  • Resource Library
  • Training Calendar
  • Member Login
  • Member Account
  • Log Out

Newsletter

Copyright © 2022 · Galliard Family Business Advisor Institute · All Rights Reserved · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use

Return to top